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I am not a blogger

Okay so almost a year and a half later I think its fair to say I am not a blogger. It was a nice idea but lets be real, I failed pretty hard. I've been putting off writing this post for a while, which seems to be a habit of mine (see procrastination song). Anyway I'm writing this to let you all know that I am still alive, still writing music, just clearly not writing blogs. This is really a post to update you on what has happened for me in the last year so here goes...

I got back from the states nearly a year ago now and (not making excuses) but 2017 was a bloody rollercoaster year. I came home so ready to get back into my music but the wheels started to fall off a bit. I think it was about three weeks after I arrived home that I had a seizure out of the blue. I remember being in hospital the next day and my mum saying "maybe you should call the venue you're playing at this weekend and tell them you wont be able to make it." ... I think I said something like "Nah, surely I'll be fine by the weekend!". Needless to say I wasn't fine by the weekend... the morning after I got home from the hospital I remember waking up and sitting on the edge of my bed for about 40 minutes unsure about what I was meant to do. It sounds weird but I was just so confused about everything, I couldn't remember how to do really simple things and this lasted for months. I never fully knew what people experienced when they had a seizure and I definitely underestimated the effect that it can have on a persons life. I honestly have no idea what I would have done if I didn't have such amazing family and friends around to support me during that time - I couldn't drive, I had next to no short term memory, and some days I literally had so little energy that all I could do was sleep. The epilepsy medications I was getting used to at the time had some pretty bad side effects; incoordination, mood swings, depression and severe skin rash. I had always been an upbeat person and thought that the side effects couldn't be that bad, but boy was I wrong. What I went through mentally when I started taking the medication was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I felt like a burden to everyone around me and I couldn't get my head out of the negative dark place that it was in. I can't really remember how long this went on for, it was all a bit of a blur, I feel like I was just watching life going on around me but not really being able to participate.

I think it was maybe 4 months ago that things started to feel a bit more normal for me, I started writing music again and began to feel more like my old self. I still have a little way to go (and can't wait to get off the meds!) but for now I'm over the moon about how much has changed for me pretty much all thanks to my family and friends who were by my side every step of the way.

Even though I kind of hate 2017 for being such a dickhead, I can't say that I would change it. I learnt a lot of things in 2017 and all of it's madness has led me to this point right now. New experiences have given me new inspiration and now I'm only a few weeks away from releasing a song that I wrote during crazy 2017. This single is coming out next month and I am really excited to share it with all of you.

Here's to new the start of something new - onwards and upwards from here my friends!

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